Quiet Day

It was a very peaceful day today. I went into Spotlight and brought a patch to fix my three quarter pants that have been in the fix it pile for twelve months. Did a bit of grocery shopping. The shops were frantic. The car parks were worse with so many angry people trying to get as close as they could to the front door. Anyway, headed home and spent the rest of the day reading. Lazy really but l didn't feel like doing much else. I did iron my big bear patch onto the backside of my three quarter pants so the day wasn't a total waste.

Just the two of us

It's 6.00am when the alarm went off. I don't really like mornings. Yesterday was different though. It is easy to get motivated when l know that l am going to be able to spent quality time with my man. Yum Yum. Nobody to invade our little world. Hours and hours of magical time together. All be it in a truck ! It's a very big truck. It's always shinny and clean. He loves his truck. His world on wheels. His space.

I was ready to go by 6.30am. Everything packed ready to go. There was no rush so you would have to ask why l go a spending fine on my way to Melbourne. I was daydreaming. I get so excited about spending time with him. When the policeman pulled me over all l could do was smile. It was so stupid to be speeding. I came back to reality real quick with a $215 fine and loss of three points. The silly thing was that the policeman really didn't seem to want to give me the fine. I told him l was daydreaming. He told me to be careful getting back into my car because of the idiots flying pass us exceeding the speed limit more than l had been. Really what else can you do other than realize that it was this mans job to raise revenue. There was no way l was going to let anything wreck my day.

Continuing on my way l arrived in Melbourne and hour and a half before he was ready to leave. He'd driven down from Sydney over night and they had taken a bit longer than expected to load him for Adelaide. I decided to grab a cuppa and read the paper. Normally l'm a pretty easy to please lady but the girl at the Mac Cafe stand was just dumb. No other way to explain her. I asked for a "Tall Cup of Tea". The choice of cup size being short , standard or tall. The girl says to me that she is sorry they do not make tall tea. Hmmm..... I'm thinking what is so complicated about getting a big cup and adding water. She puts a short, dirty cup on a saucer with a pot of tea onto the tray. I'm starting to get really frustrated and tell her that the cup is dirty and asked if it could be replaced by a bigger, clean cup. Nope she can not do that because that is the biggest cup. Hmmm....I pointed to the pile of cups on top of her coffee machine. Spicey little bitch says to me that they are mugs not cups. What is one to do ? I had asked for the biggest cup of tea l could purchase and ended up with the smallest. It was one of those days when everything just seemed a little strange in my world. Really she was just plain dumb. No other words for it, except for rude too !

Finally he arrives. His checky grin appearing opposite me. Cap on his head. Unshaved. I can tell he has wasted no time trying to get to me. Hmmm...his scruffy look is very sexy, very manly. He says that he'd like a coffee so l go to tackle the girl behind the counter again. This time l thought l'd ask for a mug of tea and a pot of water. Silly to think that would make sense to this girl. I felt like jumping behind the counter and doing it myself. Eventually, after talking her through the order step by step (these were little steps) l got our drinks and headed back to the table. He wants to rest and watch a bit of TV before we leave because he has not had much sleep. My mind can not think of anything nicer than being wrapped in his arms, laying on the bunk, watching a bit of TV, chatting about his morning and my speeding fine. It is always wise to confess these things while wrapped in his arms. The time goes so quickly when we are together. Time to get going.

He drives. I chat. He drives. I chat. He drives and finally the truck comes to rest. Thankfully just in time for me to watch the last hour of the cricket and the news while he catches an hour of shuteye. I massage his head to ensure that he rests peacefully while l watch Australia win the forth test. Truck drivers never stop for long. They recharge their batteries and then they are on the road again. The phone rings and there is a change of plans. We are no longer going straight through to Adelaide. A changeover truck will meet us in Nihl and we need to be back in Melbourne in the morning to re-load. Intially l thought that the change of plans was just going to wreck our time together but it actually worked to our favour.

We were early enough to be able to park the truck and walk back into Nihl for a counter meal. I do not know what was more enjoyable the walk into town, the beautiful meal that we got at the local pub, the slow walk back to the truck watching the sunset, the pink sky that turned into the most enchanting evening or just being with him, walking arm in arm. Yum Yum. There are no words to explain my love for this man. Time is endless with him but it goes so fast. The changeover truck arrives and it is time to head back to Melbourne. My escape with him shortened but etched in my heart forever....

Friendship

There is a recipe for friendship
that's old but still true
It's one that never fails, l'd like
to share it with you

First you need someone who accepts
you just as you are
Someone who doesn't need you to
be some kind of major star

Someone who'll cry with you and
share your deepest pain
Someone who'll lift you
till you can stand again

Someone who finds your jokes
funny and laughs to show it
Someone who really likes you
someone who lets you know it

Someone you're glad you have
all the years through...
this recipe for friendship
can be found in you.

Christmas Day

So much fuss for 24 hours...It has been very hard for me to find the Christmas spirit this year. It really hasn't been the happiest Christmas l can remember. It is so nice to have Ruth back in my life. When the phone rang this morning and l heard the STD beeps l was so excited. I just love hearing her voice. She was just so excited (as always) about Christmas.

All weekend l've tried to get into the spirit of things. I sanded and oiled the outdoor setting. A job l was going to do last Christmas. I'd brought the oil but just didn't get motivated to do it. I finally put together a photo frame with old,old photo's of my Mum and Dad, their wedding day, their parents, Mum's brother and Dad's sister. I've had the frame hanging in my hallway for two years waiting for some photo's. Well, waiting for me to decide what to put in the frame. I didn't know whether l wanted my children or what. Ruth's scrapping inspired me to look through Mum's cupboards and l am so glad l did. Now l've framed Mum's memories not just my own.

My man came home on Saturday so l spent some quality time with him. We rarely get to spend time together without one of us having to be somewhere or doing something for somebody else. Hence no blog entry for Saturday night. I figure he is worth it. We sat and watched TV and generally did nothing. We slept in and enjoyed just being together with the world stopped for about 18 hours. Today he is off celebrating Christmas with his girls at his Mum & Dad's. Eighteen years of emotional hurt with my ex-husbands children have taught me a good lesson not to get involved in the parenting of other women's children. Though it makes Christmas a lonely time for me.

My own children have grown up now and it seems that because they see me all the time they make different choices on Christmas Day. Really it all started when l got divorced because l refused to fight over Christmas. I just decided that l didn't need any one day to love the special people in my life. Nor did l need one particular day to give presents. This attitude defused any arguments and meant that my children could do whatever they choose to do on Christmas Day. Interestingly, this attitude means that nobody who knows me has to feel guilty about not spending time with me at Christmas. It's easier for everybody that way.

My daughter went with her boyfriend to Swan Hill, which is about 3 hours away, to see his mother and sisters. He doesn't see them very often so they make a big deal out of Christmas. Last year l drove Lana and Al to Swan Hill and took Billy because Al wanted the whole family deal. I hated it. It just reminded me of how nice Christmas used to be when my family were all together. So, this year l'm back to not doing Christmas and just dogsitting Lana's puppy for a couple of days. "Chopper" or "Chop" as she is called has actually been quite good company and a distraction from my feelings of loneliness. Billy was here all day and has gone to his father's tonight but well he is a teenager and really just tries to do the right thing by spending so time with me and some with his father. We spoke about it today and really he dislikes Christmas as much as me. I think it's all about the expectation other people have.

Anyway, all in all a quite day. Dad was home from hospital on day leave. My brother did ring my parents to wish them Merry Christmas but didn't speak to me. He rang on Saturday to apologize for his behaviour on Thursday night but it's going to take a bit more than an apology for me to forgive him. Hmmm....I will have to reach real deep inside myself to forgive him. I do not think that he liked what l had to say to him. I feel that he needs to give up drinking. One day he will wake up to find everything and everybody that he loves just won't be there. He needs to have a good look at himself because he isn't a very nice person at the moment. It's sounds like l'm being extremely ungrateful and a hard old bitch but I think it's all about respect. He hasn't shown any respect to me as a person and I certainly do not respect the person he has become. At least l don't have to worry about him coming to visit for Christmas. He is too embrassed to show his face here.

So this is Christmas.......MERRY CHRISTMAS ! Bring on 2007 and l shall try hard to get in the Christmas spirit next year.

Phone a friend....

I promised myself that l was going to write in my blog every day but well things rarely work out how l plan. I was having quite a good day on Thursday until l sat down to dinner and then the phone rang half way through eating it. My brother was on the phone. It was difficult to make out what he was saying but after 5 minutes l had worked out that he had been to his work break-up. He was drunk. He'd arrived home drunk to find Paula and his three kids gone. Yep, it is the season to be jolly ! The worst part was that he was trying to blame me for this mess. He had lent me money on the Wednesday and apparently Paula didn't think he should so they had a fight about it. If l had know that this chain of events was about to happen, l would never have taken the money from him.

Anyway, he tells me that he has broken into the house. He wasn't going to be locked out of his house. He pays the mortgage. Mind you breaking all the glass surround around the front door wasn't smartest thing he has ever done because he couldn't fit through the gap. Not to be stopped he had then broken one of the lounge room windows. He was in the house and he wasn't going anywhere. He lives in Frankston. I live in Bendigo. That's a two and a half hour drive if you speed just a little bit. No choice really because he is very drunk and threatening to kill people. Seems he doesn't really like Paula's brother very much nor her mother. But then my brother doesn't really like anybody very much and few people like his arrogance, including me.

So I am in Harcourt (that is about half an hour from Bendigo) and my mobile phone rings. It's Mum and she is very distressed. I'd left her talking to my brother on the phone. I thought if she talked to him while l was driving down to Frankston she might be able to distract from his mission of mass destruction. I thought it was a good plan but I am known to be wrong occasionally. Three police cars had arrived at his house with Paula to arrest him and get him out of the house. Apparently, he had also put an axe handle through the lounge room door and threatened to hit Paula with it. Hmm....now I am beginning to feel sick in the stomach. Why is it that my family have to solve everything with alcohol and violence ?

My mind was working overtime because l was still two hours away. Only one thing to do at a time like this....PHONE A FRIEND ! Preferably somebody who cares. My friend Pidz has been looking after his Dad who has just had a heart attack and they live in Frankston. Yes, Yes, he is in Frankston and Yes he will go around to my brother's house and try to stop him from being locked up. The police had left unable to remove my brother from his house but l feared that they would return, probably with a court order. I thought a sober person might help this situation. Pidz is always so calm and rational. I love that man to bits. He knows how crazy my family are and he still agreed to go around there.

I was about 45 minutes away from Frankston. Nobody had rang me to say that the police had come back. Mum hadn't rung back to say that he'd killed anybody. I was thinking it would be safe to phone my brother and see if he'd calmed down. No answer. I phoned Pidz. He felt that he had the situation under control and that he'd leave and go back to his parents place. I begged him to stay at my brother's place until l got there. He agreed. I am so pleased he did. I love this man to bits but he really was kidding himself that he had the situation under control. This was my brother we were talking about and l know him to be as manipulative and conniving as my father. Memories of my abusive childhood flooding my brain and tears are running down my face. I felt sick in the stomach. I struggle with the concept of my brother being an abusive drunk like my father. How can my brother abuse his children after watching what my father did to me ? He watched as my father bashed me. He always hid fearfully in the corner, scared that Dad would hit him next. How does he live with himself creating so much fear in the people that he supposedly loves?

Finally l arrive. I've stopped crying. I need to be strong. Stupidly l thought that l was going to be about to reason with this man. Nope. Not a hope of this man seeing any reason. In the hallway is a pedestal fan in pieces having been thrown at the wall. The lounge room floor is covered with kid crap. Paula isn't known for her cleanliness. However, my brother's path of destruction is evident with hammers, nails, a saw and bits of board spread across the floor. He spent the next hour yelling at me and telling me that l owe him. He threatened to come to Bendigo and get Dad out of hospital because l have no right to keep him locked up. He voiced his opinion about my marriage and told me that l deserve to be divorced. Apparently, he believes that l deserve to have nothing and he is going to see that my life is destroyed. Then he had a few words about the man that l now love and continued to tell me that he always has to help me.

That's when l lost it. Truly the Tracey of 25 years ago raised her head and told him a thing or two. It was about then when he threatened to put a hammer through my head. "Go on then. Hit me" l said. My heart racing because the last time l said those words was to my father and l ended up with a monkey wrench around my face. It was time to leave. This situation was never going to be brought under control. My friend Pidz was still sitting in his chair. I think his was scared to move. My brother had threatened him before l arrived. Always calm, Pidz says, "If you are so concerned about your father, build a unit in your backyard and look after him". Good on you Pidz ! My brother cares about nobody but himself. I have no idea why Paula puts up with his abuse. I was stupid to think that l could go to Frankston and help this man. He is beyond help. For as long as amber fluid runs through his veins instead of blood there will be no way to help him.

So instead of writing in my blog Thursday night, l drove two and a half hours to Frankston. Got abused for an hour and then drove two and a half hours back home. I cried most of the way home not believing that l had restored to yelling abuse back at my brother. Crying because my years of hard work controling my aggression had slipped away because l felt a need to defend myself to an abusive, manipulative arsehole. I really didn't handle the situation well. He was so hurtful. I couldn't believe the things that he had to say to me. I shall struggle for the rest of my life to forget the words. I shall struggle for a long time to forgive him but l will because l'm better than sinking to his level. Really he is a novice compared to my father and l found the strength to forgive him. I shall find the strength to forgive my brother. But l shall never forget what either of them have said or done to me.

What a day !

After completing a two hour psych examine on line and not performing quiet how l would have liked l headed off to my job interview this morning. I hadn't slept well. l was actually nervous. I'd really like this marketing position. I see it as an excellent opportunity to do something different. I am tried of doing accounts. It's such a drag handling large debtor bases that aren't your own. I have enough to worry about with my own finances.

Anyway, l don't know that l did as well as l would have liked in the interview. Yes, l was in the final three but l just don't know that l nailed the interview. I did the best l could but is that enough? Hopefully, I will know on Friday whether l got the position or not. At least l won't have to wait till after Christmas to find out. I could really do with God smiling down upon me and a couple of things to go my way at the moment. No sooner did l get home from my interview and l had to go to the hospital for a family meeting about Dad coming home.

You would have to ask what sort of idiots they are at this hospital. Yes, it is Christmas and l suppose l should be pleased that they want to send Dad home for Christmas BUT why would you send a reformed alcoholic home from the psych centre in the festive season ? How am l ever going to control his environment ? I sound like a bitch but l refused to take him home. I've agreed to day leave until after the New Year. I feel that l will probably be able to convince my brother not to have any alcohol in the house until after 5pm. I am forever hopeful.

My mother wasn't very happy with my stand. Nobody was happy with me but at the end of the day l care for these people and what l say goes. If l don't feel that l can cope than somebody needs to listen to me. It is ridiculous to think that l am going to be able to control all the family conflicts associated with my brother visiting and my father coming out of hospital, all in Christmas week ! What are these people thinking ? I don't think they were expecting me to put up any argument because "it is the season to be jolly.....haha". Not in my world.

Oh, they told me that if l had any problems l was to phone them anytime 24/7. I laughed at them and asked if they were going to be working 9pm on Christmas Day when my brother and father have both had too much to drink and the fighting starts. Hmmm....well no.... but somebody will be there to help you. I laughed even harder and told them point blank l simply wasn't going to have Dad home and that they better work something out.

They knew l was serious. I didn't shead a tear. I didn't raise my voice. I was very assertive. I was very proud of my behaviour and for the first time in my life l stood up to my father and truly won. He really didn't like being told that he would now be answerable to me. Humbling...everything comes to those who wait. Some of us just have to wait longer than others. It has been worth the wait. My father's totally unexceptable behaviour is now out in the open. They know. They saw him in action today. They were horrified at how he spoke to me. No more secrets. Mum couldn't cover up his abusive behaviour and he couldn't control it. A double win for me. There is a God and he cares for me. WOW ! A feeling of power over a man who l have feared all my life. That is it ! The line has been drawn in the sand.

They were telling me how great he'd been on the ward. They said they now had his medication under control. I laughed at them again. They spent half an hour telling me that they had the situation under control. Then it happened. Dad had to sign a form. He is trying to put his glasses back into the case and out of the glasses case falls four tablets. LOL. Dad's trying to pick them up off the floor. The doctor is asking him where he got the tablets from. Dad is arguing with the Doctor that he'd prescribed them and l'm sitting there laughing about the fact that these people honestly believed that they had Dad's medication under control. LOL. You would think these people would have seen a prescription junkie before. Obviously not. However, l no longer felt like the unreasonable bitch because they got to see who my father truly is today and nobody could cover it up.

My mother didn't speak to me on the way home from the hospital. I don't think she really knows how to say sorry but really there is no need. She knows that today marks the end of a life time of abuse for me. Bring on 2007....I'm ready and waiting for my new future !

Ho, Ho, Ho.......

It's the season to be jolly ! I have got to say that l haven't done Christmas for the last four years. It took me over two hours to untangle the Christmas tree lights. In the end, l sacrificed one set of lights, with a pair of scissors. Otherwise, he lights would simply not have made it to the tree. It felt good snipping those little wires which had caused me so much frustration. I had a box full of decorations that also hadn't seen the festive season for over four years.

Guess what else l found. Something very special. Made me all emotional. Two hand made Christmas balls, green and white, with a gold band and my kids names painted on them. My friend had made them many years ago when my children were small. It was so nice to see my son hang his personal Christmas ball right in the front of the tree for everybody to see again this year. Normally he has no interest in Christmas. It really hasn't been a festive time since l left my husband. I am determined to make this Christmas special. 2007 is going to be a fantastic year and I'm not going to be stopped from making it so.

I sat and wrote over 40 Christmas cards today. Another task l haven't done in for a few years. Amazing how friendly l feel at the moment. I actually didn't see this as a chore. I wanted to wish everybody a very, very Merry Christmas. I wrote cards to people who l have had no contact with for years. Unlike with my friend Ruth, who's address l had lost when l moved house, l had the addresses of these friends but l really haven't been in the Christmas spirit. Well, l should be truthful, l really haven't been in the mood for people in general. I really felt all peopled out by the time we closed our roller skating business six years ago. Tried of people and their expectations and judgements of me as a person. My failed marriage not helping with this process of isolation.

I became entrenched in my work to combat the feelings of emptiness and lack of security from leaving my husband after 18 years of marriage. That's all l did work, work and if there was spare time l worked. That meant there really wasn't time for people or for Christmas. No time to remember. No time to be sentimental. So this year l am determined to return to the old Tracey. I need to loose 20kg. I need to work on my people patients skills. I need to smile more. I need to believe. Part of this process will be believing in the Christmas spirit again. It's the season to be jolly.....ho, ho, ho.

Men, who needs them

Saturday is suppose to be a day of rest isn't it. All l really wanted to do was watch the cricket. Mum had other ideas. Since Dad is in hospital she feels that this is a perfect time to be spring cleaning. It's very scary seeing a woman in her seventies swing from the top of a ladder. No men around to help. They are always missing when something needs to be done. I get Mum down from the ladder. She has been in the smallest room of her unit, yep the toilet where she has been trying to clean the lauver window. She is far too short and didn't have her glasses on. I know she is just trying to keep herself busy so she doesn't have to think about Dad locked up in the mad house but really all l want to do is watch the cricket.

Anyway, up the ladder l get. I hate heights. I hate ladders. Where is a bloody man when you need him? Off being a perfect father to his three girls.....hmmm l hate weekends.....never any Jamie/Tracey time. It never used to be a problem when l was working because l never had time to think about the lack of weekend Jamie/Tracey time. Up until three months ago l had worked at least one day of every weekend for five years. Now l just get depressed when l think about it. I've never been involved in his time with his girls. It's easier that way. He is their parent not me. I did learn some things from being married to Wayne. It sounds selfish but well at the end of the day they are his responsibility not mine. I don't know what annoys me more, the fact that l hate heights or the fact that he isn't here when l need him.

The little lauvers won't slide out so l can clean them properly. Not happy with just wiping them over l decided to use a bit of force to pull the bloody things out. Arrrrrr, my finger gets caught and then l break the glass trying to free my finger. The lauver snaps in two and one piece flies up and hits me in the bridge of my nose. Now there's blood. My mother fussing. Me up a ladder. Where is he when l need him? Not to be beaten l finish cleaning the lauvers that aren't broken. It's alot easier with one of them now missing. Blood running down along my nose. What a mess! Job is finally finished. Well l thought l was finished...

"I was wondering if you could put the slim line blind up in the bathroom while we've got the ladder inside ?" says the voice of a little old lady from the bottom of the ladder. Mind you, she has been waiting over 12 months for this job to be done. There is already a blind up in the bathroom but when l replaced my laundry blind with a very flash stainless steel blind Mum decided my old one could go up in her bathroom. Can't throw anything out. It might be useful one day. I couldn't really say no so l move the ladder into the bathroom to do this small task for her. Blood still running down my nose because it's 30 degrees in the shade and l'm up a ladder in the smallest rooms of the whole house with no air. Where is my man when l need him ?

You'd think that things could go smoothly so that l could go back to watching the cricket but it just wasn't to be. The curtain and old blind in the bathroom had to come down before l could put the new one up. That was the easy part. The brackets that held them up were another story. The previous owner of this house had decided to paint over these brackets and the screws that hold them up. Smart man.....didn't think about painting around the brackets afterall that would be intelligent. At least the blood has stopped. I get down from the ladder to go and get my cordless drill. Yep, a woman with tools. No man but tools. My good friend Cherille brought me a cordless drill the first Christmas l was in my new house. She thought it might be a handy thing for me to have. Truly, it is one of the best tools l own. Back to removing the brackets. Put the new brackets up and hang the blind. Doesn't look half bad and l didn't need a male to help me.

Just when l thought that l could go back to watching the cricket......she asks, "could you just wipe the light shade while you are up there ?" Hmmm.....who is doing this spring cleaning ? "I can't really reach the top of the medicine cabinet." Hmmm....My mind is thinking, if l don't do these things she will get back up this ladder and l won't be able to watch the cricket anyway cause l'll have to keep an eye on the silly old bitch. All jobs done. Back to my house to watch the cricket. Well almost, Kim arrives and obviously she is up for a chat. Nice but really l just want to watch the cricket. She would think l was very rude if l didn't listen to her so l resign myself to not watching anymore cricket today...afterall there is still two more days of cricket.

Billy's 16th Birthday Bash

My son who spends most of his life on a farm with his father asked if he could have his 16th birthday party at my house, considering l live in town. Actually l live in the dead centre of Bendigo, in the street opposite the cemetery. Very convenient for teenagers. My son is a quiet boy. Never has alot of friends over. I always have to encourage him to be a bit more social unlike my daughter who is a social animal. Anyway, l agree to have the birthday party at my house. It wasn't held on the weekend of his birthday because a couple of friends couldn't make it on that weekend. I'm still thinking that's ok because it would be good for Billy to have a party and l was hoping all his friends would turn up so he wasn't disappointed.

The Tuesday before the party Billy arrives on my doorstep expelled from school. Hmmm....simply beyond my control to fix that problem. Really, this was the child that was expelled from kinda. He's never really enjoyed school. I can't even begin to explain how upset l get about Billy and school. However, we made an agreement that he could still have his birthday party and that l will not nag him until after the party. This was actually to give me some time to think about a plan of attack for getting this boy into some kind of apprenticeship or course or anything other than sitting in front of the playstation.

The next morning he gets up and tells me that he is going to move all my mother's pot plants into the little back yard and put a lock on the gate because he doesn't want nan's plants to get damaged on the night of the party. I'm thinking that is a clever idea Billy. So he had his mate come over to help him because there are alot of pot plants in the main back yard. Then he tells me that he'll take the plants from the front veranda just in case. Better to be safe then sorry. Smart boy.They worked very hard and without complaint. Silly me, l'm still thinking that Billy is trying to do the right thing. I always like to think the best of him.

Thursday he gets out of bed and says, "Mum l think l'll move all the haning plants into the shade house and then put the swing seat across the opening so that nobody swings on the plants." You'd think that l'd twig about what was going to happen, wouldn't you but no, l'm still thinking that Billy is trying to do the right thing so that none of nan's plants get destoryed. It was all going so well. Again he worked all day without complaint. He even picked up the dog shit. A major accomplishment. It was nice having him around the house because life has been pretty gloomy lately. Later that night we watched some tv and chatted about nothing in particular.

Friday Billy gets up around lunchtime and tells me that he has three locks. One for the garden shed, one for the little back yard and one for the side gate. He tells me that he has invited quiet a few people. I'm still praying that somebody is going to turn up or Billy is going to be very disappointed. Afterall Billy isn't really a very social child, is he ? He asks me if we can lock both the doors of the garage. I'm thinking it would be better for his mates to sit around in the shed. Nope he doesn't even want chairs in the back yard. Again you'd think that an intelligent mother would wonder why. Not me. I'm still thinking that Billy doesn't want his mates to do anything horrid to my good outdoor setting.

Saturday comes around and again Billy picks up the dog shit. Wonders will never cease. Mum and l have got a Christmas break-up party to go to for tea so l realized maybe l should ask my daughter to come over and keep an eye on things till l get home. Now that was the first good idea l'd had all week. As l'm leaving, Billy says that he is going to take the handle off the toilet door so that nobody can get into the house. There is a second door into the toilet from the outside. Hmmm....now l'm thinking. A little bit late but now l'm thinking. We decide to lock Mum's unit up and lock both my front and back security door. Lana hasn't arrived yet but l'm thinking it's all good, there's only Billy and two mates in the backyard. I'm praying as l leave that somebody turns up to this party. I really don't want anything else to go wrong for this poor kid.

Dinner was really nice. We were at a Ten Pin Bowl break-up and just before the trophy presentation my phone rings. It's Lana. Just wondering how long it will be before you get home. It sounds quiet enough. I ask if everything is ok. Smart girl Lana ! Everything is fine, she says. Just wondering how long it will be before you get home. I still have no idea. We didn't rush home but it was lucky that l decided we probably should get home and share Billy's party with him. Afterall, it sounded really quiet and l thought Billy might be sad because not many people had turned up.

As l drive into our street l realise that there are a few cars doing burnouts. Then l see probably 50 kids drinking in the street. Girls sitting in the gutter. I'm thinking, wow isn't that great, Billy's friends have all turned up. How wrong was l ? When l got out of the car l realized the reason why they were out in the street was because there was no room left in the backyard. Not a small backyard. Probably 200+ kids in the backyard. It gets worse. I find Billy. He is well on the way to being drunk. Very proud of himself. Great party ! Ok, so at this point l realise that l have really underestimated my son but there is no time to talk to him because 3 police cars have just pulled into my driveway. ARE YOU THE ADULT IN CONTROL OF THIS PARTY ? Well, l'm the adult but l certainly wasn't in control of the party. They lecture me on the fact that l should have registered the party on thepolice website and l'm like, yes, yes, yes l should have done that. My brain trying to think of a good excuse why l hadn't. Why hadn't l asked more questions about this party ? Why had l gone out for tea ? How was l going to get this under my control ? Anyway, when the cops turned up everybody that was is the street just split, as you do at an under age party when you are drunk. So the task of controlling this party looks acheivable. The cops leave telling me that l'll have no hope and that they will be back !

I spend the next three hours at my letterbox telling kids they can't be in the street, they can't urinate in my neighbours driveway, please don't throw the bottles, I tell you if you continue to fight l will punch you in the nose. Really l had absolutely no control of the situation. My mother was playing nurse out in her unit. Three girls bashed a boy in the toilet. Another girl smashed a bottle over a boys head. Mum really deserves a medal for her patients on a very trying night. There was no way to control all these teenagers. They were all so angry. Taxi after taxi pulled up in my street and teenagers got in and out. Then it happened. The point of no return. This really big, very drunk boy decided to windmill his way down the driveway into the backyard and hit everyone and anything in his path. That started a gang fight and Billy decided that was enough.

Billy rang the police. Now you have to imagine 200+ drunk teenagers leaving my house on mass before the cops locked them up. An ambulance had to take the big kid who started the fight away. My neighbour across the road decided that he didn't want these kids on his lawn and threatened to kick their arses. Silly man. They bashed him. The police had even less control than l had. I couldn't believe it. I thought police had the ability to control situations like this. These kids just thought the police were a joke. It took over an hour for them to clear the street. Meanwhile l felt like crying but that wasn't going to help. I had to sweep the driveway from the road through to the garage so that l could drive the car into the shed. There wasn't an inch that didn't have broken glass on it. My mother was just shaking her head. We filled three large wheely bins with cans and bottles. There was no lawn left in my backyard. Some kid had fallen through the plaster in the room attached to the garage. The carpet in that room was just...there are no words to describe the level of destruction these kids had caused. Needless to say, Billy will be having no more birthday parties at my house.

Inspired by Ruthie

WEDNESDAY 13th DECEMBER, 2006

Well Ruthie again l have been totally inspired by you. Not a week ago l dug a piece of paper up from out of my back wardrobe that had your email address on it. I sent you an email in the hope of finding you again. I found more than l expected. Truly your blog is inpirational. What a fantastic way to record your memories. I wanted to comment and you can't do that unless you're registered so it's offical, l am now a blogger. Unlike you, l have limited computer skills so l shall need your guidance no doubt. Damn it though, l'm going to give it a go !