What a day !

After completing a two hour psych examine on line and not performing quiet how l would have liked l headed off to my job interview this morning. I hadn't slept well. l was actually nervous. I'd really like this marketing position. I see it as an excellent opportunity to do something different. I am tried of doing accounts. It's such a drag handling large debtor bases that aren't your own. I have enough to worry about with my own finances.

Anyway, l don't know that l did as well as l would have liked in the interview. Yes, l was in the final three but l just don't know that l nailed the interview. I did the best l could but is that enough? Hopefully, I will know on Friday whether l got the position or not. At least l won't have to wait till after Christmas to find out. I could really do with God smiling down upon me and a couple of things to go my way at the moment. No sooner did l get home from my interview and l had to go to the hospital for a family meeting about Dad coming home.

You would have to ask what sort of idiots they are at this hospital. Yes, it is Christmas and l suppose l should be pleased that they want to send Dad home for Christmas BUT why would you send a reformed alcoholic home from the psych centre in the festive season ? How am l ever going to control his environment ? I sound like a bitch but l refused to take him home. I've agreed to day leave until after the New Year. I feel that l will probably be able to convince my brother not to have any alcohol in the house until after 5pm. I am forever hopeful.

My mother wasn't very happy with my stand. Nobody was happy with me but at the end of the day l care for these people and what l say goes. If l don't feel that l can cope than somebody needs to listen to me. It is ridiculous to think that l am going to be able to control all the family conflicts associated with my brother visiting and my father coming out of hospital, all in Christmas week ! What are these people thinking ? I don't think they were expecting me to put up any argument because "it is the season to be jolly.....haha". Not in my world.

Oh, they told me that if l had any problems l was to phone them anytime 24/7. I laughed at them and asked if they were going to be working 9pm on Christmas Day when my brother and father have both had too much to drink and the fighting starts. Hmmm....well no.... but somebody will be there to help you. I laughed even harder and told them point blank l simply wasn't going to have Dad home and that they better work something out.

They knew l was serious. I didn't shead a tear. I didn't raise my voice. I was very assertive. I was very proud of my behaviour and for the first time in my life l stood up to my father and truly won. He really didn't like being told that he would now be answerable to me. Humbling...everything comes to those who wait. Some of us just have to wait longer than others. It has been worth the wait. My father's totally unexceptable behaviour is now out in the open. They know. They saw him in action today. They were horrified at how he spoke to me. No more secrets. Mum couldn't cover up his abusive behaviour and he couldn't control it. A double win for me. There is a God and he cares for me. WOW ! A feeling of power over a man who l have feared all my life. That is it ! The line has been drawn in the sand.

They were telling me how great he'd been on the ward. They said they now had his medication under control. I laughed at them again. They spent half an hour telling me that they had the situation under control. Then it happened. Dad had to sign a form. He is trying to put his glasses back into the case and out of the glasses case falls four tablets. LOL. Dad's trying to pick them up off the floor. The doctor is asking him where he got the tablets from. Dad is arguing with the Doctor that he'd prescribed them and l'm sitting there laughing about the fact that these people honestly believed that they had Dad's medication under control. LOL. You would think these people would have seen a prescription junkie before. Obviously not. However, l no longer felt like the unreasonable bitch because they got to see who my father truly is today and nobody could cover it up.

My mother didn't speak to me on the way home from the hospital. I don't think she really knows how to say sorry but really there is no need. She knows that today marks the end of a life time of abuse for me. Bring on 2007....I'm ready and waiting for my new future !