It's the season to be jolly ! I have got to say that l haven't done Christmas for the last four years. It took me over two hours to untangle the Christmas tree lights. In the end, l sacrificed one set of lights, with a pair of scissors. Otherwise, he lights would simply not have made it to the tree. It felt good snipping those little wires which had caused me so much frustration. I had a box full of decorations that also hadn't seen the festive season for over four years.
Guess what else l found. Something very special. Made me all emotional. Two hand made Christmas balls, green and white, with a gold band and my kids names painted on them. My friend had made them many years ago when my children were small. It was so nice to see my son hang his personal Christmas ball right in the front of the tree for everybody to see again this year. Normally he has no interest in Christmas. It really hasn't been a festive time since l left my husband. I am determined to make this Christmas special. 2007 is going to be a fantastic year and I'm not going to be stopped from making it so.
I sat and wrote over 40 Christmas cards today. Another task l haven't done in for a few years. Amazing how friendly l feel at the moment. I actually didn't see this as a chore. I wanted to wish everybody a very, very Merry Christmas. I wrote cards to people who l have had no contact with for years. Unlike with my friend Ruth, who's address l had lost when l moved house, l had the addresses of these friends but l really haven't been in the Christmas spirit. Well, l should be truthful, l really haven't been in the mood for people in general. I really felt all peopled out by the time we closed our roller skating business six years ago. Tried of people and their expectations and judgements of me as a person. My failed marriage not helping with this process of isolation.
I became entrenched in my work to combat the feelings of emptiness and lack of security from leaving my husband after 18 years of marriage. That's all l did work, work and if there was spare time l worked. That meant there really wasn't time for people or for Christmas. No time to remember. No time to be sentimental. So this year l am determined to return to the old Tracey. I need to loose 20kg. I need to work on my people patients skills. I need to smile more. I need to believe. Part of this process will be believing in the Christmas spirit again. It's the season to be jolly.....ho, ho, ho.
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1 comment:
I do love you Tracey. Keep smiling and keep remembering how good Christmas can feel when there is no expectation except whether the dinner will all come together. Your mum and you can recapture it together. Enjoy and know Iam thinking of you.
Ruth
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