Well, it's done now

Got up bright and early. Made sure everything was as perfect as it could be. I even put stockings and high heels on with a skirt. I want the job. Funny thing is that l've never even been inside the doors of Domain Living. It is one of those shops where you stand out the front, look through the window, determine that you will never be able to afford anything in there (why would you pay that amount of money for furniture anyway?) and walk away. So why is it that l want this job??????

I want the job because l can't stand being unemployed. That is how the young wench that interviewed me treated me. I doubt l'll get the job because she knew she'd meet her match when l keep finishing her sentences. I couldn't stop myself. She was telling me how overworked she is, how one girl left last week and another is leaving this week, how hard it is to get staff to work for her the way she wants them to and WHAT A GREAT PLACE TO WORK DOMAIN LIVING IS ! Hmmm.... I want the job because l can't stand being unemployed. I have no money. I have bills to pay. I need a purpose. But Tracey do you want to work for a patronizing bitch ????

Well, l got home thinking l should have done this and l shouldn't have done that and then l realized that l should have done it just the way l did because that is me. If she doesn't like it then l don't want to work for her anyway. I do really but l needed to justify my emotions. So then l picked up the phone and rang Harvey Norman who were going to get back to me last week. Yes, they still want to employ me but Alex is just slack. Hasn't organized hours, doesn't really know what he is going to do with me. Ring him back Thursday morning. Arrhhhh.....nothing is happening quickly. The phone rings, Tracy the Placement People, he wants to know how the coffee/interview go ? I didn't think quickly enough, l hesitated, oh l mucked it up, l just know l did. Wayne says that he will be speaking to Domain Living later today and that he'll ring me back with the heads up on how l'm going. Arrhhhh....it just doesn't feel right. Nothing feels right. I don't want to get it wrong. That's it, l'm in tears again really unsure where my life is going.

I put myself to bed. I just can't cope with these levels of stress. I know l create them in myself but l just can't stop the uncertainty. I hate it. I truly think l'm going to implode. What do l want to do ? Why isn't my career path clear ? Arrhhhh....